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Finding Your Voice: Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness

As someone who was once the most social and extroverted person in my circle, I remember the days when I could walk up to anyone and start talking. Now, after three years of quitting alcohol, I have become more introverted and less social.

So what do you do when communicating becomes difficult and suddenly you find yourself in the hot seat, answering a question you weren’t prepared for?

Anticipation

Anyone close to me knows I am a video game nerd. Most of the time, it’s for the reward of playing the game, but occasionally, I find a gem of knowledge in it.

Someone once told me that to develop good reflexes in first-person shooter games, you should imagine someone waiting around every corner. Once you get used to anticipating one person, picture a second behind them, then a third, and so on.

I’ve started applying this in my daily life, and I’ve found that I’m more prepared in those moments than I used to be.

Always expect a conversation. This may be anxiety inducing but at least you will be prepared.

It is fine to have something prepared to talk about, yes even if it's the weather. The point is to just say it!

Take a breath. That is what most people do before taking a leap of faith.

Skydive

I was speaking to my career advisor about my troubles networking, and she told me that I needed to “skydive,” which stuck with me. She was right. Sometimes you have to jump into conversations before your mind has time to stop you.

It's not just about the thrill of the jump, but the tranquil descent to the place you are comfortable.

Most of the time, you will never get rid of the nervousness, although, it will get easier to deal with overtime.

The only way people are allowed to skydive by themselves is after a lot of practice, so don't be afraid to keep trying!

Equality

Many people struggle to speak because of the environment they’re in, especially when talking to people who seem like “higher authority,” or even something as simple as speaking to customer service.

Seeing the other person as an equal, regardless of their status, can reduce the pressure you put on yourself.

Finding common ground can lead to great conversations.

It's all about diplomacy. Why try to invoke hostility when you can create peace and unity.

Additional Tips

• Pause and breathe before responding.
• Practice simple introductions and small talk topics.
• Remember that most people are not judging you.
• Ask questions — it takes pressure off you.
• A great speaker is an even better listener. Be a sponge and soak in the conversation.
• Do not be afraid to speak in your own voice and slang. More often than not, people enjoy the variety.
• Ask a question if you totally blank out. Having curiosity in someone's life helps generate ideas.

Author: Ronald Hernandez Jr.

Ronald Hernandez is a Creative Analyst and Project Manager who specializes in content strategy and writing. He focuses on helping clients achieve their goals through clear communication, credible sources, and well-researched information.